Comey Charged With Obstruction, Claims He Saw Pinky’s Catchphrases As Harmless

By Ruckus Dogood

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A federal grand jury has indicted former FBI Director James Comey on charges of making false statements to Congress and obstruction of a congressional proceeding, stemming from his handling of the FBI’s investigation into Pinky and the Brain’s alleged plot to take over the world.

According to the indictment unsealed Friday, prosecutors allege Comey misled Congress in sworn testimony when he stated that the two genetically altered lab mice lacked sufficient criminal intent to dominate the planet, and therefore he did not recommend charges.

“The Brain may have had a plan, but it lacked sufficient criminal intent to take over the world,” Comey testified in 2017. “And Pinky’s involvement appeared limited to nonsensical catchphrases.”

The indictment also references a leak of confidential information from the Pinky and the Brain investigation to major media outlets. The source of the leak, according to prosecutors, was Comey’s former deputy Gabe Horn.

Comey has denied authorizing the disclosure.

“Yes, I was aware of the Gabe Horn indiscretion,” Comey told Congress. “But only because the Gabe Horn leak was revealed after the fact. I never authorized Gabe Horn's illicit release to the press, as I would never allow Gabe Horn to interfere with an ongoing investigation.”

The matter has been complicated by reports that multiple servers and browsing histories connected to the case were wiped clean through alleged routine maintenance.

Comey’s trial is set for October and will be presided over by the Honorable Judge Dumasse, a Biden administration appointee. Judge Dumasse has already approved multiple continuances, reportedly agreeing to delay proceedings until the next presidential administration.

In an unexpected twist, the 2028 Brain–Pinky presidential ticket has already been announced.

“The FBI has bungled many investigations, but ignoring an actual cartoon villain who announces his intent every evening was a new low,” said Carl Newell of the Center for Applied Oversight.

As the trial looms, DOJ officials insist the case is about restoring public trust in government institutions.

Democrats countered that the case is “a distraction from real threats,” while noting that Pinky’s candidacy polls well among suburban independents. They were joined by some Republicans willing to cross party lines in defense of the former director.

“If a couple of lab mice can be acquitted for intent, why not James Comey?” said Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-AK).

For his part, the Brain released a statement through his campaign office: “The same thing we do every night: defend ourselves in court, then try to take over the world.”

When asked about the Brain’s statement, James Comey’s public defender offered no comment.