International Politics

Said Deputy Minister for Digital Wellbeing Penelope Griggsworth, “It was because the tweet created an unsafe narrative environment.”

The arrangement is part of the fast-food chain’s new initiative: “No Kings Except Burger King.”

“This is bigger than Bennifer, Brangelina or TomKat,” said one visibly exhausted entertainment journalist, surrounded by empty coffee cups and whiteboards full of rejected name combinations. “You can’t just mash Trudeau and Perry together without serious geopolitical implications.”

Eyewitnesses say the unlikely duo stormed the main stage, their identical haircuts shimmering under the conference lights like two carbon-neutral helmets of destiny.

Nancy Hamzawi was appointed as the President of the Public Health Agency of Canada. The appointment drew widespread public concern as Hamzawi is both obese and possesses no relevant education.

President Trump praised Mrs. Netanyahu’s fashion-forward diplomacy: “Sara looked STUNNING. Brightest light on the tarmac. Airports LOVE her. Planes follow her naturally—some people just have that MAGNETISM.”

Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni, less than delicately, called the program “the most French thing I’ve ever seen.”