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THE DAILY PULSE
Portland Mayor: Death Eater Demonstrations Mostly Peaceful, Voldemort Just An Idea
When asked why Auror units and the Order of the Phoenix had been ordered to stand down, Oregon Governor Tina Kotax clarified that Dumbledore’s Army “holds no jurisdiction” in the Beaver State.
Oct 152 min read
Hip-Hop Legends Ice-T And Vanilla Ice Declare Portland A “No-Go Zone” After Ice Cube’s Crew Bus Gets Toasted
“Look, man, Antifa can't tell an ICE facility from the ice melting in my Jack Daniels,” said Vanilla Ice.
Sep 301 min read
Crack Emporium Crashes: Portland Owner Cites Theft, TikTok And Hunter Biden
... the final straw was the high-profile celebrity endorsement featuring Hunter Biden whose comments in a recent interview assured crack users that their drug of choice was safer than alcohol... “The writing was on the wall,” Callahan lamented. “Literally, in fact.”
Aug 122 min read
Oregon Supreme Court Upholds Homeless Collective's Possession of Portland Aerial Tram
"No one should be outraged by this," added Gov. Kotek. "I'd give them the entire U.S. Bank Tower if they wanted it. It's not like it's worth anything anymore anyway."
Aug 62 min read
Gov. Kotek Launches 'Extreme Tourism' Plan
Packages include: Tent City Immersion Tours, Public Transit Roulette, Wildfire & Wine Weekends, The Surprise Tax Trek™ and more!
Jun 302 min read
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