World in Frenzy As Media Struggles To Name New Couple: Trudeau and Perry

By Anna Sheffield

OTTAWA, Can. — After reports surfaced that former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and pop superstar Katy Perry are romantically linked, global media outlets have reportedly entered a state of “naming emergency,” racing to invent the next great celebrity couple moniker.

“This is bigger than Bennifer, Brangelina or TomKat,” said one visibly exhausted entertainment journalist, surrounded by empty coffee cups and whiteboards full of rejected name combinations. “You can’t just mash Trudeau and Perry together without serious geopolitical implications.”

According to sources, at least twelve international newsrooms, three linguistics departments, and a focus group in Los Angeles have been convened to settle on the definitive joint name before the weekend.

Top Contenders So Far

• Perrudeau – elegant, bilingual, purple, and slightly smug.

• JustyKat – sounds like a premium vegan skincare line or a candy bar.

• TruPerry – strong, direct, and ready for a campaign poster.

• KatyCanuck – already trending on Canadian TikTok.

• MaplePop – described by experts as “a full-sugar diplomatic brand.”

• Firework Minister – beloved by tabloids, dreaded by speechwriters.

• The Eh-Team – too easily conflated with The Meh-Team.

• FireJerk – hostile, confusing and slightly dirty.

• Katueau – a French-Canadian mashup that sounds fancy.

Linguists at the University of Toronto have reportedly spent 48 straight hours testing each name’s “tabloid stickiness,” factoring in pun potential, hashtag length, and likelihood of being shouted by paparazzi.

Still, speculation continues. Pop culture experts predict that once the couple name is finalized, it could boost Canada’s tourism by up to 30%, especially among fans eager to visit the “TruPerry Trail,” a rumored sightseeing route from Ottawa to Malibu.

At press time, Perry was reportedly debating whether to trademark “Perrudeau” before anyone else could.