Oregon Politics

So now, while families wonder how to cover rent or buy groceries, and counties lose key funds, I’ll stay focused on telling you nothing will turn out fine and I'll make sure your roads are sheets of ice ... unless you let me tax you to death. Then everything will be great.

Oregon Governor Tina Kotek has introduced a plan she calls "Stop the Pop" to the agenda of the August 29 special session. The potential legislation is intended to prevent the blast of the Axial Seamount, an underwater volcano showing signs of impending eruption. The last time the Axial Seamount erupted was in 2015.

Kotek-Sanders also reportedly attempted to replace the Oregon state flag with a giant paper bucket, though the measure died in committee after concerns it could become a provocative symbol during wildfire season.

“We’re hearing concerning reports that long-time residents are packing up and heading to places like Idaho, Florida, and even — God help us — Texas,” said Kotek. “This gas tax will help us uncover the root causes, which remain a total mystery to me and everyone in state government.”

"No one should be outraged by this," added Gov. Kotek. "I'd give them the entire U.S. Bank Tower if they wanted it. It's not like it's worth anything anymore anyway."

State officials estimate the hologram will cost taxpayers roughly $9.3 million to install, with ongoing costs covered by reallocating funds from rural highway maintenance and wildfire prevention. Kotek is counting on a gas tax hike in a September special session to cover shortfalls.

Said Justice Rebecca A. Duncan, "You can't prevent someone from running for office just because he dresses like a dip - no matter how many times he has run."

Rep. Kropf was equally perplexed. “I didn’t even know what a jumbotron was until last night,” he said. "Wait. That didn't sound right."