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“We’re hearing concerning reports that long-time residents are packing up and heading to places like Idaho, Florida, and even — God help us — Texas,” said Kotek. “This gas tax will help us uncover the root causes, which remain a total mystery to me and everyone in state government.”

"No one should be outraged by this," added Gov. Kotek. "I'd give them the entire U.S. Bank Tower if they wanted it. It's not like it's worth anything anymore anyway."

State officials estimate the hologram will cost taxpayers roughly $9.3 million to install, with ongoing costs covered by reallocating funds from rural highway maintenance and wildfire prevention. Kotek is counting on a gas tax hike in a September special session to cover shortfalls.

Said Justice Rebecca A. Duncan, "You can't prevent someone from running for office just because he dresses like a dip - no matter how many times he has run."

Rep. Kropf was equally perplexed. “I didn’t even know what a jumbotron was until last night,” he said. "Wait. That didn't sound right."

"It's only $6 for a seven-day permit and yes, it's anything that floats," said Kotek.

"She always had the range," say concert promoters for the High-Pitched and Partisan Tour.

Packages include: Tent City Immersion Tours, Public Transit Roulette, Wildfire & Wine Weekends, The Surprise Tax Trek™ and more!

The resolution would honor "the brave, historically under-acknowledged contributions of left-handed Antifa members in the ongoing struggle against fascism, white supremacy, and cis-heteropatriarchal zip ties, which close the wrong way.”

"We had the name first, and that's all there is to it."

"I think our governor should be able to burn down the state however she sees fit." - Rep. Paul Evans