Governor Kotek Issues Honest Statement In Response To September Revenue Forecast

By Lucian Sharp

SALEM, Ore.– Today, Oregon's Governor Tina Kotek issued a statement in response to the third quarter revenue forecast.

“More Oregon families are experiencing tougher financial situations — not by chance, but because of my own decisions here at home. From reckless choices on spending to my broken promises on getting control of prices, working families are falling further behind. And yes, losing nearly a billion in federal support because I insisted on shielding non-citizens rather than prioritizing Oregonians didn’t exactly help. That one’s on me. But I'm going to blame President Trump anyway and see if I can get away with it.

“While I’ve been busy polishing what's left of my national image, our state funding has been quietly evaporating — $888 million gone like loose change under the couch cushions. So now, while families wonder how to cover rent or buy groceries, and counties lose key funds, I’ll stay focused on telling you nothing will turn out fine and I'll make sure your roads are sheets of ice ... unless you let me tax you to death. Then everything will be great. I will continue to assure Oregonians that they can count on my resilience, even if they can’t count on anything else but death and taxes - and taxing those deaths.

"I personally prioritized protecting aliens, then bungled transportation funding, hospital support, risk reserves, and so much more. The result? Families are hurting, cities are struggling, and I’ve done it to you with really no remorse. I couldn't care less. At least I can swear: I’m as committed as ever to convincing Oregonians I'm still competent, even when we all know I'm not. But yay! Resilience. Or whatever."