In Symbolic Gesture, Eastern Oregon Replaces State Seal With Middle Finger Facing West

By Lucian Sharp

JOHN DAY, Ore. — In a bold, if not entirely constitutional move, Eastern Oregon leaders unveiled a new regional flag this morning featuring a giant raised middle finger pointed squarely toward the Willamette Valley.

The redesign — unanimously approved by a coalition of county commissioners, ranchers, miners, small business owners, and even a few city councilors —features a graphic hand flipping off the western half of the state.

“It’s not about anger,” explained one Grant County commissioner who wished to remain anonymous. “It’s about sending a clear, respectful message to Portland and Salem that they can keep their wokeness, braindead legislation, and electric scooters — we’ll stick with sanity, gold, cattle, and alfalfa.”

The ceremonial unveiling took place in front of the town feed store, where a huge chunk of the populations of at least five other counties gathered. Residents of Harney, Union, Baker, Malheur and Wallowa Counties occupied every campground in the area as well as the welcoming fields opened up by enterprising farmers who charged $10 for an overnight tent spot.

The gesture comes amid ongoing tensions between Eastern Oregon counties and the state government, as rural communities push to join Idaho in what’s known as the "Greater Idaho" movement — a plan largely described by political scientists as “effectually dubious but deeply committed.”

Portland officials refused comment as did Oregon House and Senate Majority and Minority leadership per usual.

Some Eastern Oregon residents worry the new flag could damage tourism or relations with western neighbors.

“Look, I’m all for flipping off Salem,” said a Pendleton rancher. “But we don’t need to scare off their money — just their dumb politics.”

Despite the controversy, locals say they are already printing bumper stickers, truck decals, and camo hats featuring the new emblem. Sources say the merch is selling like hotcakes and could very well form the bedrock of a new Eastern Oregon economic boom.